Wish List Casting For 10 Upcoming & Rumored Movies
The 10 best men for the job (to fill in) for upcoming or rumored film projects
Today, I will be marrying the girl of my dreams. This is a wonderful dream come true, and I cannot wait to share my life with her.
The downside? This means I won’t be seeing all the great movies I want to see in the near future. I love movies, and this breaks my heart. I’m the kind of guy who wants to see civilization crumble before I die just so I don’t miss any good movies after I’ve seen the light. Thus, in the spirit of living vicariously through my imagination, let’s take a look at who directors and producers should cast in these movies–if they’re paying attention to how smart you and I are. Marital bliss may prevent me from seeing these movies in theatres, but nothing can prevent me from writing about them now. Oh…what’s that? Sorry. She’s calling for me. I’ll, uh…be right back.
Also, in the spirit of this article, I will be providing you with a potential downside to each casting choice. Just like marriage. Nothing’s perfect, huh?
#10 – Donald Glover in the “Independence Day” Sequel
Point: “But he’s really only been in comedies. Are we sure he can do an action movie?”
Counter-Point: Do we remember Will Smith’s credits before the original “Independence Day?”
When casting rumors first started coming around for the promised reboot that became “The Amazing Spider-Man,” one of the early names we saw dropped in some circles was the boyishly charming Donald Glover. Or Donnie Glover, to sound more like his not-Uncle Danny. Cute, huh? Of course, some folks got in a tizzy because Peter Parker is traditionally a white guy, and Donald Glover is traditionally a black guy, so it just wouldn’t work out. Perhaps, though, the wheels are turning to present Donald Glover with what could be his huge action break-out role.
Specifically, the wheels are starting to turn on an arguably unnecessary “Independence Day” sequel. (Even if the original did feature one of the most American moments in movie history) And since the studio is saying that Will Smith is too expensive now (code for: “We saw ‘After Earth’, and we don’t want you”), the story is rumored to focus on Captain Stephen Hiller’s step-son. Good news for Donald: the cute little kid who played Dylan the first time around, Ross Bagley, is neither cute nor a little kid this time. So, that leaves the door open for fresh blood.
People might complain that Donald Glover doesn’t really have much experience in a big action movie (he did do the paintball episodes of “Community,” so I don’t know what their problem is), which is true, but Will Smith only had one action role before “Independence Day” in the surprise hit “Bad Boys.” He spent the better part of a decade doing fish-out-of-water jokes on NBC. On a separate note, even though Will Smith forgot how to be funny, he is already working on sequels to three of his action-comedy movies; “Bad Boys 3,” then “Hancock 2″ leading up to “I, Robot 2.” So “I, Robot” wasn’t really a comedy, but you had to laugh at it.
Potential Downside: If this casting would lead to Donald following in Will Smith’s awkward footsteps and taking himself way too seriously in about fifteen years, I’m not sure this potentially awesome movie is worth it.What’s more, Donald Glover also has a thriving hip-hop music career, like Will Smith did in the 90s. Unlike Big Will, Donald Glover is a little more adult in his hip-hop, performing under the name Kid Vicious, or something like that. (Childish Gambino, whatever, I was close.) I’m not saying that all of these incongruous similarities guarantee that Donald Glover would be a successful action-comedy star in the likes of Will Smith, but I think he’d be worth giving a try. Plus, this role is for an African-American male, anyway (unless little Dylan got a sex-change and fights aliens as Dylilah) , so we don’t have to worry about anyone’s perfect view of the world being upset.
#9 – Christoph Waltz in a “Star Wars” Sequel
Point: “Do we really need that thick German accent trying to spew typically bad George Lucas dialogue?”
Counter-Point: George Lucas won’t be touching this script with a ten-foot lightsaber, so there. Plus, Christoph’s voice could put babies to sleep and would charm your mother’s leiderhosen off. Don’t be so rude.
Consider this for a second. Many of you may already be tired of Herr Waltz after his two mostly American movies, (“Water for Elephants” doesn’t count, and you know it), but who else could have made you feel positively toward a Nazi the way his character, the “Jew Hunter” Col. Hans Landa, did in Tarantino’s inglorious misspelling? What was already a wonderful movie was greatly enhanced by his presence, and that’s the goal of any casting. His comedic timing works to ease a tense situation, lulling you in just before clamping down with a vice grip. Then came his dentist-turned-bounty hunter, Dr. Schulz. Look, I don’t have to defend his acting to you. He’s a god among men, and he’s the only one right for the deserved role of Thrawn.Hear me out in full, now, okay? Not only would Master Waltz be a brilliant villain for a new era of “Star Wars” films, but I already have the perfect villain in mind. Just read this next sentence and do your best not to faint or make-out with your computer screen in rejoicing, okay? “Coming in 2015, Christoph Waltz stars as Grand Admiral Thrawn in the latest installment…” and there you go. I’ve just lost the entire “Star Wars” fanbase to seizures of joy. You know it’s brilliant, right? Grand Admiral Thrawn is one of the most loved/hated villains of the extended universe, and that’s saying something for the universe that created Darth Vader, the poster-boy for villains with a following.
Potential Downside:If you’re not overly familiar with the “Star Wars” extended universe, Grand Admiral Thrawn–his friends call him Mitth’raw’nuruodu–is a member of the Chiss race. That means he’s mostly human, but he’s also blue. So that could make filming him as a primary villain a little odd. Remember “Watchmen?” Then again, blue people might be better received wearing clothes. (Then again, remember “Smurfs?” Or “Smurfs 2?”) If you need an idea of just how intensely cool Thrawn is, he was the top-ranking non-human in the Galactic Empire before that whole Endor moon incident. That’s like if Morgan Freeman became 2nd in command of the Klu Klux Klan. The Empire was pretty strict about non-human officers, but he made it anyway. Plus, he gave Emperor Palpatine the heeby-jeebies, so that’s food enough for me.
If the new series follows any chronology from the extended universe, Thrawn is already dead. Not that I see a problem with this, and J.J. Abrams is pretty good at taking fantasy worlds and making them a little new, but you know the hardcore fans would not appreciate this deviation from the gospel.
(For other suggestions on the “Star Wars VII,” click here!)